I just finished a project with a
hard deadline. I turned over research and recommendations to other team members
about a week ago. They crafted a slick Power Point show and flew to Hong Kong
to deliver the BIG presentation.
I know I did a good job, but now I
am feeling as if I have to start my life over. I am feeling depleted and a
little disconnected. As much as I was very key in every decision making step, they
said I keep my cool since better things are in store for me. Didn’t they
shortchange me? I don’t want to care or worry so much anyway since even in that
bogus research firm in Nanyuki, they did the same but they have never won a
mega funding like the one whose proposal I single handedly penned. But I have
learnt I have the brain, the idea and the influence. Professors, meet me at the
top, all those ideas are mine.
I am sure most of us have
experienced something like this. For six weeks, my entire schedule revolved
around setting and juggling appointments related to this project, talking to
the right people and conducting the fact-gathering work involved. I’m
experiencing more than a little letdown. For six weeks, I ate, drank, and
dreamt this project.
During this time, I got into the
habit of only skimming my mail and email. Needless to say, I missed a lot. I
never watched TV and worked out for distraction, not for pleasure or other
benefits. Even at the gym, my mind kept running through scenarios of
conversations I might have with people I was trying to get a hold of. I carried
on social activities with family and friends as if they were obligations, as
events I had to fit into my schedule.
Even when I had a little free time,
I wasn’t fully showing up. I wasn’t ready to enjoy myself. I forgot what
was important to me because I became so focused on taking care of
what seemed urgent. It seemed that I had put my entire life on hold and
now had to go through extra work to re-assemble the pieces.
I decided to devise some strategies
to help me remember what’s really important to me so I wouldn’t lose myself the
next time I have a critical project. And yes, boy, I learnt many lessons…
1) Know what little things give
you pleasure. Pause regularly to notice how they might be present.
I have a gratitude practice that
began when I identified little things I felt grateful for, boiled those
experiences down to their most essential qualities and then
started practicing seeing those qualities in
the present moment. I can apply a similar strategy to keeping focused
on what’s most important to me.
I asked myself to recall recent
situations when I felt happy about something, even something small. My list
included: watching children play on the beach, trying a new dish at a
restaurant (and discovering my intuition was spot on), and running my bare feet
over very thick, plush carpeting. Having such a list, I can pause periodically
and pay extra attention to noticing the character or joy in children’s faces as
I run errands, or trying something new at the local deli during a quick lunch,
or pulling a cashmere sweater over my head as I get dressed.
2) Do something creative.
I feel most like myself when I am
doing something creative, when I am doing something no one else can do,
or something no one else would do exactly like me. That might be making catfish
tacos for dinner, or arranging flowers, or organizing my closet. I can forget
these simple pleasures when trying to put something together for a client.
Here, I am trying to think about what they want to hear. In
the middle of a project that seems all-consuming, I know it’s a good idea to
find ways and opportunities to express myself.
3) Read at least 15
minutes a day (not related to work).
Have you ever been so consumed by
the demands of a project that you feel you’ve lost touch with what’s been
happening in the world or stopped feeding your imagination? Sometimes, I
have realized that I have gone weeks without picking up a newspaper, or reading
a novel. Yet, I know these activities re-fuel me. While I expect I’d feel too
guilty to hole up in a coffee shop reading all day, I know I can afford to
spend fifteen minutes getting lost in someone else’s words.
4) Adopt a daily ritual.
Don’t skip a day.
Morning walks, yoga or stretching
routines, keeping a journal, or taking a long, hot shower – I have
found it important to have a daily ritual. A daily ritual is usually a simple
activity that is meaningful to you. It doesn’t matter what the activity is.
What matters is that you do the activity faithfully; at the same time every
day, or at least every day. You’ll probably come up with compelling reasons why
urgent commitments should justify altering your routine, but you send yourself
a more important message when you keep your promises to yourself. If you keep
up your rituals, when your deadline has passed, you won’t feel like you have to
gather yourself and start your life over.
5) Ask other people how they
are.
While working towards a goal, I have
experienced flow moments. I’ll feel hyper aware of what’s going on
around me and able to see how different things are connected. While narrowing
my focus, I’ve also felt isolated. I’ll convince myself that no one would
understand me or relate to my challenges and concerns. It’s precisely at these
times when I need to get over myself and remember my relationships. Thinking
about my friends and family reminds me that I had a life before I became so
single-minded and will have a life again. I’ll make a point to make some
time to ask after the people I love and listen to what’s happening in their
lives.
Sometimes, we are called upon to
make extra efforts to realize a goal, but it’s important not to lose yourself
during these periods.
They don’t give prizes for being
busy. If your goal is feeling productive and satisfied with how you spend your
time, give some thought to how to stay focused on what’s important to
you even while something big is consuming a lot of your attention.
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