Loving what you do or Doing what you love?

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius
The quote states the ideal situation. It sounds pretty simple and easy but it is not. There are many different aspects related to it – money just being one. Usually what you love may not be profitable/marketable/reputable… etc. What then?
Many would argue back saying ‘’just do what you love, follow your passion and the money will follow.’’ Well maybe it will – maybe it won’t.
The inspirational examples we see are maybe just 10% of those, who quit their hated job and followed their dreams. Those 10% succeeded and became inspirational role models. What happened to the rest? Well, the rest ended up disappointed and poor.
Many truly believe in overnight success. But there is no such thing. Even if the person literally woke up and found himself successful – it is a result of many hours of hard work, persistence and determination. Everything the person has done to reach success, led him to different life events and eventually brought him to that success.
But what kept someone staying motivated? What is it that does not let us give up? What drives those 10%, who succeed at the end?
Well, here we can get back to old wise Confucius – loving what you do.
When you love what you do you are directing all your positive energy, all your dreams, your goals and your hopes to it. You no longer work for a breathless brand, which does not add any value to your development, talents and inspiration.
Maybe in order not to take the risk of being among the 90% who did not make it, it’s better to manage a transitional period by dedicating off work hours to doing what you love and saving the money received from doing what you don’t. But that’s an entirely different topic.
The thing is – once you find your passion, your calling and that one thing you’d rather be doing for the rest of your life you will not be able to avoid it anymore. The enlightenment will make you go through a paradigm shift. And then, you will definitely feel happy. Why? Well because…
Doing what you love adds purpose to your life
You found your calling and you finally know what you are here for. You have defined your life purpose and know which direction to take towards your future success.
Doing what you love brings harmony to your inner self
Now you already know why you were so miserable at your job. Once you find out about what you want to do you feel at peace. You do your best to organize your life so it does not contradict with your passion.
Doing what you love empowers you
You no longer work for someone else’s goals. You no longer work to make someone else’s dreams come true. It’s your choice, your passion and your decisions.
Doing what you love rewards
When you do something you love, you do it with all your heart and soul. This means you do it better than you do anything else. And believe me it shows. The end result gets your feelings, enthusiasm and inspiration. It shines back and attracts.
Doing what you love changes your values
At some point one inspired reader or a good review of your book will worth more to than Gucci shoes and diamond rings to you. At some point the smile of a grateful person, whom you’ve helped will make you warm inside. Many things will not matter anymore, cause what will matter most will be the thing you love doing.

THE POWER OF STARTING

There is great power in the start. One of the things I have learned is that you have to expect the unexpected. So many of us have long-term plans but life happens and we don’t turn those plans into reality.
Yes, planning is important. And remember that this day will never come again and what you do in the remaining hours of this day could move your life in a whole new direction.
For example, today is the day you could pick up the phone and forgive that person who, you know in your heart, needs to be forgiven.
Today is the day you could start getting into world-class health.
Today is the day you could pull out your journal and reflect on what’s not working for you in your life.
Today is the day you could articulate a new set of personal standards.
Today is the day you could decide to be a world-class learner.
I believe that your days are your life in miniature. As you live your days, so you craft your life. Ultimately, time management leads to life mastery.

GOALS AND YOU; A THOUGHT

1. Set realistic goals for yourself. Make a list of your top priorities each day and goals for each week and each month. Knowing what you are trying to achieve makes getting there more attainable and realistic. Make sure your goals are manageable and within reach-or you may risk setting yourself up for disappointment or burning yourself out.
2. Manage Your Time. No matter your goals, having the time allotted to work towards them is key. Being self-motivated entails setting up a daily structure and sticking to it. Promising yourself you will work on your goals from 5-9 p.m., or allotting 2 hours a day, each day, can make all the difference in making progress or slacking off.
3. Learn to Deal with Setbacks. With any endeavor, setbacks are to be expected-however, knowing that doesn’t make dealing with them any easier. Finding the line of when to start over and when to push harder is something you must find (be careful not to get too caught up in a bad idea that you can’t cut it loose when its time).
4. Think Outside the Box. Too often we set-out on new ventures or decide to really achieve a dream yet we revert back to what we know doesn’t work to get us there. The structures of confinement during the normal 9-5 didn’t work to motivate you then, so why would it now? Maybe before beginning your tasks going for a jog first helps to clear your mind. Possibly  conference calling some friends to brainstorm ideas gets you the push you need. Finding your own source of clarity and creativity is what will make success possible.
5. Keep Educating Yourself. Having to motivate yourself can get quite tiresome and secluded.  Follow updates regarding your area of interest- from current news to new white papers. Stay on top of trends and keep educating yourself to remember why you set-out to accomplish your goals. Obtaining fresh information and ideas will keep you from growing disinterested.
Becoming self-motivated takes discipline and these 5-steps will help get you to success. Remember, self-motivated people are valued-so learning to push yourself will supply you with a great asset. After you have achieved your goals and you can begin to inspire others to do the same.

SO YOU WANT TO IMPROVE YOURSELF EACH DAY?

If we observe the personal development industry and what self-improvement teaches us as a philosophy, it is easy to assume that the bigger part of it is self-centered. However, the core of personal development, or the idea that has been much altered and modified throughout the years suggests otherwise.
Personal development is, in a nutshell, a philosophy of living where you improve yourself in all the possible aspects you can as to be able to function and perform in relation to others, society, the “rules of the game”.
Making self-improvement too self-centered overlooks one key feature- improving yourself so you can adapt to everything else. You see, isolating from whatever it is that surrounds you can be easily as bad as it can actually help. In order to fix this self-improvement side effect there is a Jim Rohn philosophy that many people forget to take a look at.
This philosophy is likely to help you achieve everything you hope to achieve, while at the same time connecting you with other people around you. And the best thing is that it is summarized in one single quote.
“Help as many people as you can to get what they want, and you will have everything you what.”
How simple yet how deep and complex.
Jim adopted this concept from Zig Ziglar — a fellow personal development giant, who had the same mentor that Jim had — Earl Shoaff. He recalls listening to Zig almost fifty years ago being fascinated by this single quote. Once adopted as his own, he developed a whole philosophy around it.
Here is why this quote can change your life.
By focusing on others and helping them with their problems, ambitions, goals, we become increasingly aware of our own worthiness and capabilities. By helping others we have the opportunity to develop more experience in different and diverse segments in life, and we even become more self-actualized.
The second layer of this philosophy is equally simple. By helping other people we create a network of connections, all of whom having great things to say about us.
And you never know how a recommendation from some, or an extended arm in the time of need from others, can change a crucial aspect of your life. By interacting with as many people as you can to help them get where they want to be in life, you non-intrusively share parts of your story as well.
For example, if you are a graphic designer and tend to network by helping people, many of them will want to know what it is that you do and help you as well. And once they are familiar with your story, your goals, you never know where this information might end up and how big of a domino effect this might initiate.
The old stigma that good guys finish last is not working any more. It turns out that the more you make yourself useful to others the more appreciated and rewarded you become. And what strikes me the most are the words that Zig and Jim used — help as many people as you can to get what they want, and you will have everything you want.
This only implies that this concept is very scalable and can easily improve many aspects of your life.

WHY THIS RUSH FOR MOTHERHOOD AMONG MY FELLOW FEMALE PEERS? WHY?

By Abuta Ogeto

It is like getting pregnant is the most fashionable thing in town. Two years after campus, just about every other female friend I had is either knocked up, a mother or married. I mean, we are certainly not younger and for women, the mid-20s is a ripe time for marriage, but why the hurry? I am rather beset by the state of affairs in town.

I must state from the get go that I have nothing against a woman having her child or even getting married. If anything I have stated here severally that I respect a woman who opts to keep the child. Abortion is just as common. My statisticians insist that three out five women have aborted. Still their choice? May be not. For ours is a prejudiced society. Getting a child out of wedlock is still perceived as immoral and a sure sign of irresponsible and unprotected sex.

But in this case, I am little perturbed by the urgency of my year mates in campus  regarding motherhood and marriage. Back in campus a dozen chicks did get themselves knocked up and they stoically lived with it amid our prying eyes, gossipy mouths and judgmental minds. Last week I met one such who was attending her graduation, obviously postponed due to the pregnancy she incurred along the way while in campus. With her was her little pretty little daughter whom she proudly introduced to me. I was happy. Honestly, I felt a tinge of jealousy.

And since you left campus, it seems the rest moved into the bandwagon and they are now mothers. The men are still trying to find their feet in this unforgiving town. Marriage is a distant idea to them. But for women, it is understandable that 24-27 is a good time to get married, especially if they are marrying up (read yuppie or good money or even an older sober individual). If one gets to 28-34, it becomes a tricky affair, given that the baggage increases, the skepticism sets in and cynicism becomes the currency with which they transact in relationships and love matters.

But if I can confess, there is something uncomfortable when you bump into one of the prettier year mates heavy. If she was one of your Crushes, it crashes you completely. 

I disappeared to North Africa, I come back and I am standing in a bank queue, when a warm hand slithers into mine with a radiant smile. I actually didn’t have an idea what she was talking about but I presumed she wanted to skip the queue and had spotted me and wanted those around to believe that we were together. Not a bad attempt. But it was pointless. She was expectant, obviously in the final trimester and possibly with twins if the size was anything to go by.

The beauty had gone. The skin too dry and the flesh on the cheek bones completely gone. Somebody forbid. I was shell-shocked. She never looked the type who could get herself up in the daff. I was heartbroken. When you saw Samantha, the word mother didn’t cross your mind. Dutiful mistress, probably. Material girl, obviously. Gold-digger, little bit. But Mother never did cross my mind. How mistaken

could I be?

I was chagrined to say the least. And to express my displeasure, I didn’t wait for her to have any brief chat with me. I had her call my name but I ignored and walked on like I was not hearing her. See life is unfair.

There is nothing wrong in getting pregnant. It is their choice and desire. But when it is someone you know, there is something personal about it. There is an irresponsible jealousy that creeps up on you. You suddenly picture her nude getting pregnant. You hate it, if you are not the man giving it. Pardon my crudeness, but it happens and at least 99% of functional straight men feel it. There is nothing you can do about it. It comes up, you accept it and life goes on.

I really can’t get their haste. I mean I hate seeing my colleagues from campus aging that fast. And motherhood has a way of adding one or two years onto you and that inevitable fat. They make me feel so late into this fatherhood party. A couple of my male peers are already fathers. Even though I think I am late, and I could have done it a bit earlier, I don’t regret at all. She died anyway.

WHILE IT LASTS...

We all know who they are: the folks who aren’t going anywhere... certainly not out, but probably also not up much either. They play to “not lose” and work to avoid failure. (After all, who wants to fail? It can be so embarrassing and messy.) Here’s how you can be one of them:

Spend a lot of time fighting to lower your budget so that you can beat it and declare victory. Lots of time. Weeks and weeks of time.

Wait to see what your boss’s opinion is and then echo it energetically. If he hasn’t expressed an opinion, stick close to the opinions of others. Better to “cross the street in a crowd,” as they say.

Be stingy in giving credit to others. Definitely keep the credit for yourself if at all possible. Don’t worry that what you gain in credit today will be more than lost in goodwill from your colleagues….and fast.

Be defensive about mistakes, and avoid admitting them at all costs. Look for someone else to blame. Blame them behind their backs. Hope that they don’t find out about it….because nobody ever gossips in an office, right?

If you’re off consensus industry views, review your assumptions until you fall neatly into line with what everyone else thinks.

Stay in a job you don’t like. Complain about it a lot outside of work (and a good bit at work, too.)
Be studiously non-committal on new ideas from your colleagues. If no-one has thought of it already, it must mean that it won’t work. Better not to declare yourself until it’s clear which way it’s going.

Kill new ventures with budgets and business reviews. Many great new ideas don’t work…..until they do. And that can involve a lot of refining and “pivoting” of the initial concept until the idea, customer, market and timing align. If not given the space and time, an idea can be killed well before given the chance to be successful.

Keep your highest performer even if his / her actions don’t align with your company’s stated values. Allow him / her to do things you would never allow others to do. I mean, you don’t want to lose those sales, do you? You have to make your (now lowered) budget.

Give people big raises only when they come in with another job offer. This will keep down costs in the short-term....and make sure that everyone spends a lot of time interviewing for a new job every few years.
Hire people just like you. Much easier that way. No surprises, no messy different perspectives, more interests in common to talk about in the hallway.

Being pragmatic, there are times in our careers when we can “go for it” and take real professional risks. And then, in many careers, there can come a time when you have to play to “not lose,” perhaps due to family obligations. String too many of these together over the course of your career, and you’re stagnant; act too much like the above and you’re the Eddie Haskell of your office.

THIS WEDDING THING...

I hate weddings. Hate is a wrong adjective. I loathe weddings. Fair try. I despise weddings. Not bad.

As a rule, I never attend weddings. Fortunately, I have only been invited to a few in my adult life. But I have attended a dozen wedding fundraisings for my friends, whom for kinship and friendship sake, I will reserve my vitriol. But really! Legalizing intimate relationships should not be such a fuss and a big deal.

I would make only one exception before I launch into this tirade. The church or garden weddings that only attract a handful of family folks and friends to witness are OK. Also those that take place at the AG chambers with even minimal witnesses, thumps up. We need more of that.

What I can’t really stand is the swine who parades Mercs and Audis on Saturdays doing million-shillings weddings. What is wrong with people? These people who do grand beach weddings so as to broadcast to the world on Citizen or NTV. Every time I tune to the wedding show, I am sickened, no end. I occasionally tune in just but to listen to the mellow ballads they have as background music. It is always fine listening to an unexpected James Ingram or Johnny Gill number. See, there is always a silver lining for every cloud.

But everything else drives nuts. See, a wedding is simply a female affair. Essentially, your wife manages to get you into a pissing match with her bitchy friends. Weddings are the ultimate show-offs for your average woman. Women who went to college not. It is the best place to measure balls (or whatever women measure) with her girls. It is the ultimate ‘look, bitches, I got me a man and a grand wedding, keep talking,’ for the bridesmaid.

And women relationship can be so poisonous. Attend a wedding and get to the nearest woman to offer her opinion about the whole affair. Every woman always has an opinion. One would have problem with the colours, ‘they tamper with the coastal mood!’. Some will be complaining about flowers, ‘daisies are so yesterday’. Some will have problems with the food, ‘the amount of meat in the pilau is …’ And some will be having problems with the man, ‘Hesbon of all people…such a bore.’ Believe you me; they will be saying pretty horrible things than this.

Scientists in my head have long determined that the smile the bridesmaid is wearing is ‘YOU NIGGARS, IT IS MY WEDDING’ SMILE. She only succeeds to drive a wedge among her closest friends. Actually women don’t have the best of friends. All they have are a bunch of haters and backbiters who are always running at the mouth about their them. They say that men are competitive, sometimes negatively, but the level of competition amongst women is yet to get a name in English. It is competition mixed with hatred and jealousy. A very explosive mixture. If women had genuine friends, they won’t let them step out of the house in only tights with nothing on top.

Nowhere is the legendary female bitchiness and pettiness witnessed than on a wedding day. All the women you see grinning and simpering for the camera have an agenda. Meat a woman who has not been invited to a wedding by a friend and you know what I mean and you might want to revise the phrase ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned to hell hath no fury like a woman who has been not invited to a wedding by the best friend.

So a wedding essentially is her day and a man has no role to play other than being reminded that the sound is down, this bill has not been sorted and so forth. The man is mainly a spectator and probably a ‘regretor’ the entire day. While being oppressed by the suit and the tie and the new shoes and the inseparable sight of the wife, he is also envying his best male friends having a ball with the girls. The hotties always turn up all hot and bothered.

The wedding attire and make up of course bolsters the looks of any woman and they look hot and cheerful. They are always giggly and silly for the camera. And the perverted friends of the groom are always up to some mischief. They have a long day to lay them, play with them, dance with them, exchange the contacts and get some access to some good shag at some future date.

That is where the groom would rather be. Where the action is. Rather is condemned to be with the wife whom he will be spending lots and lots of time from then. Their provocative dresses and smiles of course will have little Joe Wood stirred since one or two of them will be looking hotter than your wife and willing to shag you as soon as you get the tie off. Women.

He will be with her and by the time they will be kissing; their mouths will be stinking from the quietness. Who deserves that?

Any right thinking man should resist any temptation to get into a settling score match for the wife. I have ever seen a man with a beard; a huge Adams apple and a bass confess how he met his wife, the chasing and all that. Such a disgrace to manhood. What would make a man say such silly things on TV? It can’t be sex, even if she has the tightest and most engaging game in town. It can’t be love, even if she is an angel on earth. What could it be? Only stupidity.

Think about the bill. I remember accompanying my homie Dave to search for a wedding dress at Realto in Anniversary Towers. A wedding dress went for Ksh 190,000(about $2250). What is wrong with the confused middle class in Kenya? They can’t help us get Sonko out of parliament, but they have time buy a wedding dress for all that money. A one-day dress. That patched-up mosquito net. I mean kids are dying in slums. So many beggars in the streets and you squander hundreds of thousands in dress that will not even improve your personality, still less, make your marriage worthwhile. You should have seen my face upon discovering that was not even the most expensive dress in the shop.

Think about the food, the hogging and the hedonistic pursuits of your male friends that you have to fulfill. The women and their exquisite tastes. Then, there is the lot that takes loans or goes into huge debts to legalize sex. This lot is better off dead than alive. Whatever happened to SIMPLE? Some people take so long to learn that the world does not give a damn. Whether you marry in Mars or in the Moon, people are preoccupied with their own mundane experiences, to even bother with your show-offs. They will gape, they will exhilarate but by nightfall, they would have forgotten.
I think people who deserve those grand weddings are those who have lived together for 20 years. Cohabiting and shagging for some months would not transform into a blissful existence in marriage. If anything marriage and a wedding are different things. And I am forced to think that the grander the wedding the higher the likelihood of a divorce in less than five years. Ask Fidel Odinga.

Having a grand wedding is like preparing for examination by buying expensive book titles and you forget to read them. Marriage is a union between two people. And the less people you involve in it the better and the more chances you have surviving the hard times guaranteed to come.

Anyway, weddings like dancing are some of the inventions of mankind to make our insufferable and mundane existences bearable. But any man who finds pleasure in weddings needs to have his head  examined. Stick to a simple affair witnessed with as few friends as possible. Make a good marriage the aim and not the wedding. Ensure that you don’t overspend, even if she insists.

On that sour note, leave me alone!!