THINKING OF LIFE AGAIN

Charles Dickens is widely considered the greatest writer of the Victorian era. He wrote almost twenty novels of quality, dealing with profound themes, building remarkable literary characters and unleashing withering social criticism. There is a striking similarity in the plot structures of some of his best novels. This common thread is the disadvantaged, oft-orphaned child who strives to overcome a challenging childhood.

Think the eponymous Oliver of Oliver Twist, the industrious Pip in Great Expectations and the unfortunate Nell in The Old Curiosity Shop. My favourite such Dickens is David Copperfield. Surprising, since I gave up the book half-way on my first reading. I read the book years later with contrasting results. Copperfield is considered the most autobiographical of Dickens’ novels, and was also his personal favourite.
The first chapter, delightfully named ‘I am born’, has an auspicious opening: “Whether I should turn out to be the hero of my own life, these pages must show….” This grand start hearkens to the immortal heart of youth that ever yearns for heroism, ideals, valour and conquest. So of all Dickens’ characters, Copperfield is a creature after my own heart.
Youth differs from age in the spirit of adventure, the courage of conviction and the heroism of ideals as fresh as the first flowers. The young thrive on ideals. They are inspired by hope not fear, attracted more by good than evil. True youth is driven by a spirit of heroism. Nothing is more distressing than to meet young cynical people who have lost their ideals or never aspired to heroism. Thus in Dickens’ difficult novel, Hard Times, Louisa was tragically drilled to suppress sentiment and value only ‘facts and calculations’.
The spirit of the Greek hero Achilles and the drive of the famed Hercules bubble under the skin of youth, ready to be called up to the surface by the conjurer of hope, the visionary. But also, easily corrupted by the usurper who appears disguised as a prophet but concealing a spirit of manipulation. So it is distressing to see the push for liberal sex for the youth, dressed as a condom campaign, supported by the government.
The cynic believes the young are incapable of controlling themselves. So the false pragmatist rails at any actual or imagined ill in society, from environmental degradation to tribalism, from smoking to corruption. Yet these same persons are surprisingly content with moral, emotional and social pollution among the youth, and thus timidly counsel them, “Since you must have sex, use a condom.”
Recent studies on youth contraception and cohabitation should trigger a reassessment of the ‘C-word’ campaign, at least to counter false advertising. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in 2010 showed significant positive relationship outcomes for couples who delayed their sexual involvement until marriage.
Other social studies have shown strong correlation between early sexual experience or multiple sex partners and higher rates of marital instability. They conclude that young people who practice sexual restraint are more likely to later experience the benefits of marriage, including various desirable life outcomes associated with marriage such as greater financial stability, improved physical and mental health.
Condoms also have contraceptive failure rates. But the real deal-breaker on condoms is that every apparently-protected sexual act actually harms the character and commitment of the young person and their future relationships, as Glenn Stanton explains in his recent book, “The Ring makes all the difference.”
Why not embrace an approach that challenges and inspires the youth to live up to the great ideal of fidelity? This ideal marks the final uplifting scene of David Copperfield when David’s friend Agnes is revealed to be his true and faithful lover: “Oh Agnes, oh my soul, so may thy face be by me when I close my life. So may I, when realities are melting from me like the shadows…, still find thee near me, pointing upward!”

FAMILY INTERGRITY

Have you ever experienced regret? Not the casual passing kind, but an entrenched piercing regret? The kind that comes with heartbreak? As Fulton Sheen explained in ‘Three To Get Married’, “a broken heart is not a fracture of a single heart but the rupture of two hearts once united in the rapture of a single love.” Have you ever suffered such loss?
In contrast, is there anything more uplifting than a small child’s eyes, than its smile, its laughter? Can the dancing eyes of a child fail to melt the hardest heart? Can any tragedy compare with the violent loss of childhood innocence? Those who have suffered real loss may understand something of the tragedy of innocence lost, a replay of the first ancient tragedy of man, the tragedy of the lost paradise of Eden.
Mankind’s first tragedy moved John Milton to compose his epic 350-year-old poem ‘Paradise Lost’. His anguished prayer bears repeating, “O Spirit… say first, what cause moved our grand Parents, in that happy state, favoured of heaven so highly, to fall off from their Creator and transgress his will? … Who first seduced them to that foul revolt?” Milton later puts into the mouth of the villain Satan this fearful defence: “Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven.”
The social institution of ‘marriage and family’ survived the ruins of the ancient Paradise Lost. It was later renewed through the redemptive Easter events dramatised in Milton’s ‘Paradise Regained’. It now exists to rescue human love from corruption and to defend childhood innocence from violation. Thus Fulton Sheen affirmed marriage and family as follows, “The pleasure associated with love is the frosting on the cake; the purpose is to make us love the cake, not ignore it.”
It is egotism and the decline of reason that make decadent civilisation give primacy to sex over human love. This may be unknown to some media persons whose casual approach to sex, marital fidelity and family integrity is eroding our society’s capacity for love. Through the print and electronic media, these priests and priestesses of libertine sex continue to curse the Kenyan family and seduce it to a foul revolt.
The purveyors and consumers of libertine sex crave ecstasy as the pathway to love. What they find though is the bitter dregs of marriage perverted, family destroyed and a mirage of love that doesn’t satisfy. Martin Luther King’s unanswerable words ring out, “On the bleached bones of dead civilisations are written the words, ‘too late’.” The Kenyan family should be saved before it is too late.
Available statistics show that family is essential for the good of children, and marriage for the good of spouses. Physical, psychological, social, economic and spiritual wellbeing derive from marriage and family. A recent American study showed that children living with cohabiting parents, or with the mother co-habiting with a boyfriend, are respectively four and eleven times more likely to be sexually, physically or emotionally abused or vulnerable than children living with married biological parents.
Family integrity is in the best interests of our children (art 53(2), Kenyan Constitution). Stable family secured from adultery, cruelty and whimsical divorce is also good for men and women, and the basis of social order (art 45(1)). By nurturing our positive cultural heritage (art 11, 44), we can safeguard marriage and family. Thus the drafters of Kenya’s Marriage Bill should reject subtle proposals that cheapen marriage. Come-we-stay should not equate to marriage. No-fault or on-demand divorce, which treats sacred covenantal vows as worth even less than simple contracts, must be rejected. And polygamy should be limited by granting veto rights to women in customary marriages.
Have you ever been really happy? Not the contentment of a healthy animal but the stable uplifting joy that grows even through pain? Look into it and you will see that such joy, which implies a personal gift of self, always springs from family or similar community of love. Don’t you care to share such joy?